literature

Inner Passage

Deviation Actions

noblevoyager's avatar
By
Published:
177 Views

Literature Text

Though the stream is divided by a
boulder in its swift flow, I know the
twain will soon unite again.

Emperor Sutoku (1119 – 1142)
Taken from Ogura Hyakunin Isshu

~o~O~o~

He knew in his heart of hearts that she had been to that place again – but he didn’t speak.

Dusky light filtered through the glass panes, and a languid breath of air carrying the scent of misery wafted across the dimly lit living room. It just so happened that it belonged to her, slowly inching closer towards the front door as if she were about to brave the world of the unknown. Sitting on the sofa, he glanced towards the direction she was going while he engrosses himself in the latest issue of Time Magazine. He waited for her to call out his name, to bid him a momentary goodbye or a casual “I’ll be right back” at least. But she didn’t, not even once. The front door closes with a click distinct enough to have him wondering why she hadn’t bothered to tell him where she was going… even if he already knew without asking.

The light in the living room suddenly started flickering. Then it broke, after such a long time.

And he knew that was coming. Every compulsion in his body dictated him to stand up, to plop the magazine on the table, and to go after her. He heaved a deep sigh and decided to leave her be for a while. Instead, he took out a few tools from his storage room and examined the light switch attached to the white wall near the front door. For some reason, it has been faulty for the past days, and it only took him a few moments to realize that it wasn’t yet the time to replace it with a new one, even if it already failed to function.

With quiet, steady precision, he loosened the screw terminals on each side, turning it counterclockwise with his screwdriver. He carefully opened the electrical box, revealing the wires that allowed it to function. His fingers made their way through the seemingly interconnected passages of wires in the utmost thoroughness as if he knew them like he knows how to breathe. After a few minutes of fixing and connecting the wires one at a time, he finally pushed the newly repaired light switch back into the electrical box and gently screwed it in place. He turned the light switch on, his eyesight slowly adjusting to the sudden luminescence. The light switch was working at last, and it was almost as if everything inside the room could be seen in all its entirety once again.

He was never really that much of a talker, but he does have the ability to communicate well with his hands. After all, he’s a mechanical engineer, well-renowned throughout the city, if not the whole country. He’s held with such high regard by the people around him, and yet he still chose to remain level-headed despite the fact that he could build and fix practically anything. From mechanical devices to broken furniture; from prosthetics to broken light switches; you name it. He wasn’t one to repair objects in a desultory way.

He sat back against the sofa once again, momentarily diving into the pool of introspection. And after what seemed like a bearably long interval of absolute silence, he stood up, placed his box of tools back in his storage room, and turned the lights off. It was time for him to fix another matter, and he need not his mechanical tools to do it for him.

He stepped out of the front door, and what seemed like a breath of cold air whistled through the keyhole by the time he unlocked the deep red steel gate. He paced the pavement before the dimly lit lamps, marking out an avenue in the bustle of activity albeit the constant lurking of danger behind the dusky shadows in the city. Not once did this faze him even in the slightest bit. Nonetheless, he quickened his pace, pounding his rhythm against the unyielding stone as though this would bring forth a herald of his coming to her.

He stopped momentarily to look at the heavens. All of a sudden, iron-gray clouds gathered overhead, blanketing the city in a somewhat foreboding manner. It was almost as if the sky contained an eternity of frozen tears that had long since melted away with the heat brought forth by the scorching summer season. And it couldn’t hold them back any longer.

His shoulders met with various other people as they push their desired way forward as well. Just as the stream was beginning to loosen up a bit, he finally made his way out of the continuous flurry of activity, and what seemed like a familiar flash of a womanly figure cut across his vision.

He knew it was her, fragile in the coming winds as she seeks refuge alone in the cemetery. It may seem rather morbid to any other passerby for an individual to take shelter in a place where death sighed in every corner. But she didn’t mind, for this brought back memories she didn’t want to quell. And he understood her completely. He inched closer towards her, but distanced himself enough to give her some space and time for herself.

It has already been a year since their only child passed away, and seeing yet again the grave carved with their son’s name engulfs her completely and reminds her further that guilt will continue to haunt her like a shadow. How could she have let this happen? Now, she’s too ashamed to even face her husband.

Silence surrounded them, accompanied by an unending void she knew she would never fully understand. And after some time, the hopelessly weak tears she tried so hard to fight back finally made their way to the front. She was crying, burning drops of glass carving canyons into her cold, fatigued cheeks. She stood before the grave, cursive letters etched in that dark, lifeless stone that didn’t make any sense to her. It was only a matter of time before her heart finally became poisoned with an emptiness she so desperately wanted to fill.

Silently – so very silently – he lets her drown, trying to be her anchor and hoping it would be enough to calm the storm raging within her. But there are oceans between them, carved by a lifeline too far away to seize as the waves crash resoundingly into her empty soul, deprived of everything but fear, guilt, and confusion. Little did she know that it only takes the passage within her soul for her vessel to set sail along those oceans again – and perhaps, she could finally reach out to him completely once more.

She’s stranded in the middle of nowhere, and understands so very painfully that she could never escape the passage she is in on her own. She couldn’t fix her own vessel that was now slowly being engulfed by the tempest, waiting to fall on her like the tide.

But he can.

He has always had a knack for fixing things. But how many times harder can this be? The downpour was already starting to beat its harsh judgement on their skin; it was only a matter of time. A few minutes have passed, and he finally willed himself to embrace her from the back, telling her with a whisper more felt than heard that he will always be there.

“Come back, Grace…”

And the words are dim in her ears every time she attempts to push him away, desperately wanting the love he offered countless times but knowing she could never deserve it.

“Noel…” A hiccoughing sob escapes her throat. “He’s not your true son…”

“I know. I knew ever since you admitted to me before that you committed adultery.”

She finally turned to face him. “B-but… why… why do you still love me after all I’ve done?”

“If you don’t want to come back, I’ll always be the one to initiate. I’ll keep coming back for you no matter what… because…” He stared at her tear-streaked face before he pulled her into an embrace truly meant. He leads her out of this ocean of sick reflections inside her soul and brings himself along with her in the vessel that had long since brought a lifeline that would eventually help them find their way back…

Grace silently thanked him for loving her unconditionally – and for always coming back to her when she has always been beyond redemption. And she need not spend her entire lifetime to prove it to Noel, for he simply understood, thanking her for giving back what was left of her irreparable soul for him to cherish and fix.

The tempest eventually died down, and he finally led her away from the undulating masses that hinted no sign of life. He walked slowly, and she followed in his wake. Together, wordless still, they made their way back to their home, carrying behind with them the passages marked by the storms that followed them until midnight.

Her vessel’s passage continued for days on end, finding the star beyond the horizon that banished all the shadows that haunted her in the darkest depths of eventide.
Well, it turns out I qualified for the 2nd round of the writing competition held by :iconwriters--club: – thanks to “Bird Cage”. The theme that we have to write about this time is “Inner Passage”. Even before the theme for the 2nd round was announced, I had already written the first line of this story, although I didn’t really know how to continue it. That’s why when I checked the group’s announcement a few weeks later, I thought that it fit in some way. It’s amazing how timely the theme is. This story is actually very personal to me, mainly because an “inner passage” is really where I am right now and ever since summer last year. Overall, this describes my current relationship with a certain friend (I could mean that literally or figuratively; it’s up to you to find out. ^_^). If you haven’t read “Bird Cage”, I suggest you read it first before this one, though I dare say that this would pass as a stand-alone story, anyway.
© 2014 - 2024 noblevoyager
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In